31 things from 31 years.

The 31 things I have learned in 31 years:

1.    There is a blissful day where you wake up and stop giving a fuck about what others think of you. There are glimpses of this day when you are young, but somewhere between 26 and 29 you drop that load and throw your middle fingers in the air. It’s a great day.

2.    Just because you are a parent doesn’t mean you have to become YOUR parents. This is a lie parents tell their children so they don’t have to feel guilty for passing on their toxicity to you.

3.    When your kids get old enough to make their own toast you will have cinnamon flavored butter, forever.

4.    An education is expensive, but it pays for itself.

5.    Marriage is hard, dating is harder. Be nice to your spouse, you can’t expect them to be perfect and accept your faults simultaneously.

6.    There is no possible way to get the first piece of pie out in one piece or not burn the first pancake. Having a dog will help you discard the evidence of this.

7.    Grow as much of your own food as you can, factory food is an oxymoron. Google it.

8.    Watch one documentary a month, about something interesting. You will, in turn, be more interesting.

9.    Have pets, and care for them like family because chances are, they will treat you better than most of the people you know.

10. It takes too much effort to keep up a lie. Honesty is easy, and better in the long run.

11. “The Jones’s” don’t give a shit about you, stop trying to keep up.

12. Stay rebellious. Just because you have a 401k doesn’t mean you have to become a normal suburbanite dick.

13. Get fired up about a cause. Somewhere between job interviews you lost your passion to change the world. Get it back.

14. A great way to learn about another culture is through food, get cooking!

15. Teach your children about the wonder of life, how big the world is and how to speak fluent sarcasm.

16. Vegans are assholes, but they are on to something. Try it for a month and make your own decisions.

17. If the people around you all look like you, get out of your bubble and change it up.

18. Have enough respect for yourself to not go shopping in your pajamas.

19. Success is not what your bank account says; it is measured in how peacefully you fall asleep at night.

20. Ask “how are you?” honestly, while looking someone in the eye and listen intently to their response. Guaranteed you will be only person who has asked them that not in-passing today.

21. Laugh! For shits sake, life isn’t that hard!

22. Know how to take a compliment and give an insult, both without looking like a pompous ass.

23. Your heart will be broken at some point, but it’s ok because a mended heart is stronger than the original.

24. Sing loudly in your car. Especially when you’re in a bad mood.

25. Weird old-timey remedies really do work.

26. It’s easy to live cheaply: don’t buy stupid shit.

27. You are special and fantastic, but not better than anyone else.

28. Don’t be that driver everyone hates.

29. Ask for help when you need it (ok, so I am still learning this one).

30. Take your mascara off before you take a shower. Forgetting this will make your husband and children run in terror from the “weeping witch”.

31. Stand up for yourself. Not in a Jersey Shore style bar brawl way (have some class), but don’t let others steamroll you.

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL, ENJOY IT!