My son was born with my self confidence. That is to say he forgot to grab it on his way to Earth. The possibility of pain or failure was enough to stop him from trying new things. This was a blessing when he was a toddler, he didn't climb much or try to run into the road. Now that he is getting to an age that his friends are playing sports and showing off scabs, he is emblazoned and wants to give it all a try.
He will be eight in a few weeks and he really wanted a skateboard for christmas and I was happy to oblige. His father used to ride and so did I; now here is where my parental hypocrite shines through. I never really rode a skateboard for fun, I did not know any tricks. My entire skateboarding experience was walking with my board as a teenager to a friends house, getting stoned or drunk and riding home. As a 15-17 year old brainiac it made sense to me that if a cop seen me out passed curfew that he or she would think my falling would be from inexperience on a skateboard instead of from underage intoxication. Yup, I was an idiot. But as most ridiculous ideas do, it worked. The only time I was harassed for being out late is when I was walking (a coincidence I'm sure). This is temporary hypocrisy, I will be open with him about my experiences when it is pertinent.
It took months for him to ride his bike with ease. He was afraid that falling off would hurt, and it did. My husband and I spent hours feeding his confidence and telling him that he can do whatever he puts his mind to. I want to encourage my son to experience all things, to learn from failure and pain. More than anything, I want him to pursue his dreams. And here is where the line falls for me, because however cool I think Travis Pastrana is -and I do- I could not handle being his mother. I do not want my son to be without confidence but I also do not want him to be without fear.
So as he idolizes Shawn White, Danny Way and Travis Pastrana I am in the background hoping that he gains the confidence he needs to follow his dreams and yet hoping he keeps enough of the fear to keep him safe.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Resolutions
I usually see no point in making resolutions. "this year I am going to quit smoking" then the credit card bills roll in for the presents and quitting is not an option anymore; "this year I am going to jog every morning" and it never fails on the morning of January 2nd there is a blizzard. Fuck. I gave up on resolutions a long time ago.
This coming year is going to bring major change for myself and my family. We are moving out of state back to the place where my husband and I grew up. In the next six months (if all goes right) we will be finding our first home to buy in range of a good school for our children and trading in both cars for new ones, all while adhering to a strict budget and my maintaing my GPA. Double Fuck.
My point is what needs to be done this year is going to take a lot pf planning and maturity. I am mature (at least I think so), but there are many around me who are not. So, with the changes I am planning for there needs to be changes within me as well. I am done with the immaturity. I am not going to watch grown people throw fits over things that were their decision in the first place. It is in my nature and my study as a psychology student to be the shoulder to lean on, and for the most part I love it. But, there needs to be growth and I am tired of watching the people around me run on the hamster wheel of immaturity.
It won't be easy, and I will come out to be the bad guy. I am ok with that. Because, I am determined to give my family the life we deserve and I cannot keep fishing people out of the quicksand. I have chosen a career helping the men and women in law enforcement and armed forces through stress that comes with the job they have chosen. The main reason for this choice of career path is I don't have to coddle these men and women. I can cut to the chase without the usual tactics used by typical psychologists. This was a deliberate choice because I am not good at hand-holding.
So, here's to a new year filled with positive changes and growth.
This coming year is going to bring major change for myself and my family. We are moving out of state back to the place where my husband and I grew up. In the next six months (if all goes right) we will be finding our first home to buy in range of a good school for our children and trading in both cars for new ones, all while adhering to a strict budget and my maintaing my GPA. Double Fuck.
My point is what needs to be done this year is going to take a lot pf planning and maturity. I am mature (at least I think so), but there are many around me who are not. So, with the changes I am planning for there needs to be changes within me as well. I am done with the immaturity. I am not going to watch grown people throw fits over things that were their decision in the first place. It is in my nature and my study as a psychology student to be the shoulder to lean on, and for the most part I love it. But, there needs to be growth and I am tired of watching the people around me run on the hamster wheel of immaturity.
It won't be easy, and I will come out to be the bad guy. I am ok with that. Because, I am determined to give my family the life we deserve and I cannot keep fishing people out of the quicksand. I have chosen a career helping the men and women in law enforcement and armed forces through stress that comes with the job they have chosen. The main reason for this choice of career path is I don't have to coddle these men and women. I can cut to the chase without the usual tactics used by typical psychologists. This was a deliberate choice because I am not good at hand-holding.
So, here's to a new year filled with positive changes and growth.
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